Disappeared for a bit

Well I disappeared for a bit, Depression sucks! I feel better, inside and out...so here I am.

I dont know where to start, other than, I gained 20lbs back. Damn it!

Good news though. I have been trying to get back on track for over a month, and I am finally in the groove. You know the one I am talking about. Where you see stuff you want to eat, but you dont. Where people offer you stuff to eat, and you dont. Where you go somewhere and they have heaven on a plate...thats right! You dont eat it.

Groovy!

I am not exercising yet, but I will soon.

I went up to 194 after Christmas, and gave myself a huge kick in the ass. After much struggling, I weighed in at 189 this morning.

Nice to be back.

Here we go again... 178

Today is Good Friday, and it is a beautiful one too.  Its a good day to take charge of my health again.

I have not been exercising, or keeping an eye on what I eat. Or I should say, I have been watching, but not 'seeing' what I eat. The only thing that I have done right is to keep on weighing myself everyday.

So here I go again!

...and its not even Thanksgiving yet! October 13, 2013 173.8!!!

Pumpkin Pie, Cheese, Crackers, and Bread...Oh My!

Fries, Hot Dogs, Chocolates, and Chips...Oh MY!

UGH!

Damnit! Damn me!

My name is Madijo...I am guilty of...totally going ape shit over some free food at work.

This is so frustrating! September 15, 2013 174.0

At the beginning of the week I weighed in at 172. Now I weigh 174. I know I did not gain it back, because I have been following my diet. I figure it is water weight that I originally lost, or water weight that I gained back. Oh and lets not forget that I have not gone to the 'bathroom' in a bit.

Before I started my diet my IBS leaned towards diarrhea. Now I dont go. Never a happy medium.

I bought some new underwear. I got some boy shorts...uh...I am not too happy with the fit. I also bought some of the same kind that I already had. I bought them in large, and they are still too big! Hehehehe! I dont have enough money to get more this week, but next week...MEDIUM!


P.s.  Just to keep things in perspective...I looked where I was last month at this date and I weighed 179 and the next day I gained 3 lbs! I still weigh 5 lbs less than last month!

My name is Josee and I have a problem December 7, 2012

My name is Josee, and I have a problem. I wish it was that easy. I wish I could come on here and act like I was in some sort of AA group for Obese people. I wish I could spew all the garbage that was in my head and feel clean and relieved. I wish I could stay away from food like a drinker can booze when they quite drinking. I wish life was easier. I wish that I could exercise like I say I'm gonna. I wish I could stick things through. I wish I had more courage. I wish that I could think better of myself. I wish I could control my thoughts better. I wish I had clothes that fit. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and like what I see. I wish I could even look in the mirror. I wish I had more money. I wish I had someone. I wish I could come back here on MFP and not feel like a looser. I wish I came back to MFP sooner. I wish I didnt feel so embarrassed about gaining some of my weight back. I wish I could go to a job that I liked. I wish I could have more energy and not be so God awful tired all the time. I wish I really had a best friend. I wish I didnt have to use MFP, cause it means Im still fat. I wish I wasnt fat. I wish my son was not embarrassed to be seen with me. I wish I wasnt so fucked up. I wish I didnt have to make hard decisions. I wish I  could pay all my bills. I wish I didnt feel like I am always falling down. I wish I didnt feel like an idiot all the time. I wish I didnt feel so lonely all the time. I wish I wasnt depressed. I wish I stopped doing bad things to myself.I wish I was someone else. I wish I knew what to do.

This was a post I did on my MFP blog.