Something unexpected happened yesterday March 28, 2013 *185.8

I have been taking care of my mom's house for the last few months while she is snow birding it in the US. I dont do much, just pick up mail, and make sure everything is ok. Yesterday, I decided to clean her house a bit. The minute I walked in, I felt faint and weak.

I already know I have low blood sugar, which surprisingly, my diet has been helping. I had eaten a good breakfast, but I thought I was going to faint. I found some nuts, then I opened the holy grail. I found chocolate/orange icecream in  her freezer.

When I came out of my crazy icecream fantasy, I had found I had eaten tooooo many cals. Instead of freaking out, and saying oh the hell with it, lets eat everything. I kept my cals low for the rest of the day, and in the end I was almost within my daily calorie alotement.

What was kind of unexpected, was my overwhelming urge to eat. I finally figured out it was because I was at my mom's house. I always  overeat there. I stress/binge/emotional/boredom eat whenever I am at her house, or around her.

I guess it is a good thing that she has been gone for awhile. It let me diet in peace, take time to learn about my triggers, and how to deal with them. Now I have to think of a plan on how to deal with my Mamma's House!

BTW! I weighed in at 185.8 lbs! 

OMG! March 22, 2013 *187.2 lbs

I can't believe how much weight I have lost so far. I also cant believe I did it without going all psycho bitch too. I am actually following a healthy diet, no starvin' or pukin' involved. Yeah me!

I always start out with good intentions. I will not go nuts, I will not obsess, I will stay true to my diet, I will not give up. Like any NYR, that usually lasts for a month, then Crazy Obsessive Jo comes ridding in. Let me tell ya, Crazy Obsessive Jo is not a good thing.

C.O. Jo does things like cut her cals to less than 500 a day. She also does fasting, or exercising for 4 hours a day. When that gets too much, C.O. Jo slinks out of the picture and leaves me to face another failed diet, with a few more pounds too.

I dont know what this new me should be called. Adult Jo? Planner Jo? Never give up Jo? You go Jo? Hmm, I will have to think on it.

I still do not have the courage to take pics of me. I imagine that will be something I will have to work on. Maybe I will make that a mini goal reward. Though the thought of it makes me want to vomit. I will try to look at it in a more positive manner. I guess anything that is not vomit will do.

My house is a mess, but I am happy! March 19, 2013 *187.8 lbs

I dont have much to report. My mood is great,  I am walking in the light. I am calm, cool, and loosing weight. I weighed in today at 187.8 lbs and that makes a grand total of 68 lbs lost from my highest weight. A total of 33.2 lbs since I started my 2013 goal!

Clothes update March 14, 2013 *188.4 lbs

I have lost enough weight that my work uniform was getting a little big. I wear my close pretty loose anyways, so I figured no one would really be able to tell that I lost weight. A couple of people have noticed, but more importantly...I have. I feel more confident, I move with more purpose. I am more aware of my body posture which is along the lines of 'Don't look at me!'

I went shopping for new pair of work pants and shirt yesterday. I even tried them on in the store. I went from a 42 to a 38. I could have gone to a 36, but I like my pants loose. Yeah me! I bought the 36 too, so I would not have to go back for awhile.

I still weigh myself everyday, and today I weighed in at 188.4 lbs. Which is awesome. I also put in all my new jewelery that I ordered for reaching my 190 lbs mini goal. It looks fabulous! I may even post a pic.

I have relaxed a bit on my daily calorie intake for a bit, and I am still loosing weight. When I hit another plateau, it will give me something to work with. I was being so strict that when I stalled, there was no way I could improve.

Well I got to go play catch up on all the blogs I have not read for a few days.

I survived March Break! March 12, 2013 *189.2

Ack! I survived March Break. My son hijacked my (our) computer for the whole week, so I have not kept in touch with anything or anyone. Sorry. I also lived through my period during the same time. Not only that...I did all this...and lost weight!

I maybe out of touch for a couple more days, but I am alive and doing great.

I am so proud of myself March 7, 2013 *189.2

Well well well. I am 189.2 lbs as of today! I am so proud of myself. I went through some of my first posts and I can see alot of differences between then and now. I am more sure of myself, and my diet. My inner bitch voice is not as nasty, and I am starting to see the pretty me in the mirror. It has been a long time since I have seen her.

I try to think positive/motivational thoughts every day. I used to have to write them down and reread them through out the day. Now I just review them inside my head. For example:

I can do this
I am going to reach my goal
I am Happy
I do not eat when I am bored/mad/happy/to fit in
I do not eat when I am sad/scared/anxious/tired
I will not stop til I reach my goal
I will not stop even if it takes longer to reach my goal than I thought
I will not let my scale decide my mood
I will use my scale as a tool
I will not fall of the wagon
If I do, I will jump back on the second it happens...not on Monday or tomorrow.

I started this blog at 221 lb and I am now 189. Wow...a loss of 32 lbs and a total loss of 66 lbs from my highest weight. I weigh less today than I have in over 10 years (maybe 15).

Congrats to me!

Stop doing that sh*t! March 5, 2013 *191.4

I have been having panic attacks, or maybe I should say major anxiety continuously. I visited my doc and I am back on my depression/ anxiety pills (in addition to the mood stabilizers I already take). Wow, what a difference. It has been a couple of years since I stopped taking them. I wanted to see if I could stop taking pills and deal with my mental problems by myself. *Note to self...stop doing that shit!*  I have been putting myself through hardship for this idea that I  could handle it. Duh. So here I am, able to take deep breaths, and not able to hear that bitchy me voice in my head. Happy Dance.

There are side effects though. Yes I am calmer, not as anxious, not as depressed, not as likely to cry and generally a nicer person. I am also not as likely to laugh, smile, gain weight and be more confused (not able to focus).

Are all the cons worth the pros? Yes and no. Both cause me to live half a life.

Hitting my stride February 28, 2013 *191.8

I am finally comfortable in my diet. I know I am not going to fall off the wagon. How can I be sure? Well the way I see it, if I didn't fall off while I hit a plateau, and I went through a bout of depression, why would I fall off the wagon? I used my diet as a life preserver in a sense, sort of like tunnel vision. I made good food choices, stayed strict to my daily calorie allowance. Did I focus on my food, instead of my depression? Yup.

Next time, I am going to have to focus on exercise when I am going through a depression. Am I being negative, in thinking I am going to go through another one? I dont think so. I think I am being realistic.  For me depression is as sure as 'Death n Taxes'! It is up to me how I deal with it. I plan everything else...why not how to deal with my depression differently? I now know I can work my way through it without gaining weight. Now I have to plan for going through it and exercising too.