Here we go again... 178

Today is Good Friday, and it is a beautiful one too.  Its a good day to take charge of my health again.

I have not been exercising, or keeping an eye on what I eat. Or I should say, I have been watching, but not 'seeing' what I eat. The only thing that I have done right is to keep on weighing myself everyday.

So here I go again!

Phew, Thank Goodness that is over! October 15, 2013 171.8

I made it out alive! Geez...time of the month and a Holiday! Thats just not right.

No worries though, I am back to my diet. Sadly, I am farther from reaching my goal then ever. Grrrr.

I started walking with my mom, which is pretty cool. I finally got her on a diet, and she is going out for long walks. Surprisingly she is truly dedicated to walking everyday. Which helps me, because I am not.

The weather has been beautiful, and the walks in the woods have been fabulous. There is nothing like a New Brunswick fall.

...and its not even Thanksgiving yet! October 13, 2013 173.8!!!

Pumpkin Pie, Cheese, Crackers, and Bread...Oh My!

Fries, Hot Dogs, Chocolates, and Chips...Oh MY!

UGH!

Damnit! Damn me!

My name is Madijo...I am guilty of...totally going ape shit over some free food at work.

Happy New Years Eve! December 31, 2012 *206.0

Well today is the last day of 2012. I weighed in at 206.0 lbs, a nice even number. It was not a great year for me, but I am happy to say I love the way it is ending. I am so glad that I decided to start my diet at the beginning of December instead of January. I am ending the year on a positive note, and starting 2013 on an excellent one!

I went to a few friends houses (work too) over the last couple of days and there are treats every where. I have not succumbed. I will not either. I know I will have to relax my approach to my diet, but I am not ready right now. I am still at the baby step stages. I am the type of person who if I eat one chip, I eat the whole freakin bag. I am so proud of myself and what I am doing that I dont want to jeopardize my goal.

Will I relax next week? Next month? A few months? I have no idea. I may only relax when I get to my goal weight. I already know what my goal is for 2014. My goal for next year is to maintain my goal weight. That is how sure I am that I am going to reach my goal before the end of 2013. My problem is not losing the weight, though it is very hard and frustrating. It is keeping it off. I have never been able to do that.

That is why my goal next year will be to maintain. I think that will be an even harder goal then losing 100 lbs.

***

I am finally home, after a supper long hard day. We were crazy busy. All the liquor stores in our area closed yesterday, because of the storm. So everyone who didnt shop yesterday, shopped today. All I can say is...WOW!

The manager brought in pizza, I had one piece of the veggie pizza. I had calorie counted it and it came in at 271. Not bad, not great. The only thing is I think it was high in salt. I didnt drink any water today. For one thing, it was too busy to drink water. The other reason...it was too busy to go pee all the time. Speaking of, I should go drink some water with a muscle relaxer. My back is freakin killing me.

Glug glug. Ah!

It is going to be January 1st tomorrow, which means it is time to start the second part of my goal. I have decided that my New Years resolution will be to exercise everyday. Shocking! I don't think I have ever heard of anyone doing that.

***

Happy Boxing Day! December 26, 2012 *209.0

Happy Boxing Day! Ok enough of that.

Well it is 3:34 in the morning and I am still awake. My body is restless, my mind wont shut off and of course my stomach is growling. I did my food diary on myfitnesspal earlier, and my sodium total was out of this world. The daily recommended amount of sodium intake should not exceed 2500, my total was 3758. The lovely yummy lobster had 1700mg of sodium!  Holy crapola.

I think my New Years resolution will be really original...wait for it...I am going to promise to exercise every day! Shocking, I know. I am sure no one else has done something so crazy!

I will have to make up the rules before I start so that I dont change them after the fact.

I have to either walk/run (ha!)/jog/bike or do a form of body exercise every single day for 365 days. Hmmm, what about the liquor load days? Should I consider those as a form of exercise? I think I have to think on this. Every day at work is not a heavy lifting day. Only when I do the beer. So if I do beer, then I will list that as my exercise for the day.

I set up a page, and it has 365 days listed. On each day I will mark down what I did and for how long.

***

I forgot to put the garbage out damnit! The sound of the truck woke me up at around 8 this morning.  Oh well. Lets go see the damage.

***

Right on. I weighed in at 209.0 lbs. Now I am going to a friends house to have a rum and eggnog at 10. I have not had breakfast, since it looks like I will be drinking my cals today.

***

Wow, that was delish. I totally enjoyed the drinks. I am glad I did not eat before hand, that way I could really enjoy having a drink. Meaning they hit me harder than if I had food in my stomach. That sounds kind of wrong, but I wanted a buzz, and I have not had a drink of any kind for a few months. I wanted the buzz, but not alot of drinks. No food+one drink=nice buzz.

 I had a rum and eggnog, then two shots of Panama Jacks. Yummmm, and since she is my neighbor I was able to walk home. I did a calorie count of everything and my whole drinking binge was 382 cals. I made up our drinks, so that I could cheat a bit, without being obvious. No one is interested that you are on a diet, or that you dont want to drink your calories. Blah blah blah. I find it so much easier, and less stressful to take care of business myself. I didn't want attention, or discuss what I was doing, or run the risk of anyone saying, "why diet during Christmas". Well guess what? I lost weight instead of gained during Christmas...Bam baby!

I filled my glass with ice, then an ounce of rum then two ounces (used same shot glass) of full cal eggnog. Then put to more shot glasses of 1% milk. My drink looked like hers, but was probably half the cals as hers. I did the same thing when I made the Panama Jack drink. I drank mine straight up on ice, that way I did not have to add milk.

***

I dont want to look... December 25, 2012 *209.6

Today is Christmas Day,  and that is good and bad in so many ways. I  just got up, and I dont want to look at my scale. I am scared to see if the lobster and the couple of drinks will make a huge difference.

***

Ok not bad, I stayed exactly the same weight. Now I have to go to  mom's for breakfast. Let the temptations begin. I think I am going to bring my spray butter and my tea. I had to stop drinking my Timmies or making black tea, because the only way I like it is with cream. Now I drink herbal tea, so I dont drink away my cals.

***

She only had pancakes! So I had one large one, without butter or syrup. She had fresh smushed strawberries with splenda and I just slathered my pancake with it. That was all I had, and I was ok with it. I think my eyes and stomach are starting to shrink. When I think about all that I used to eat, I dont understand why I have not gained more weight. I also dont understand why I am not losing more weight, by the same token. Ah the mysteries of life.

***

Just came home from opening presents at my mom's. There was not much since I am getting a bathroom reno from my Mom and step dad. My son already got a new smart phone a couple of weeks ago from moi, so nothing else from me. Mom already gave him some of his presents, since he needed some stuff for boxing.  I am sooo  tired, going to bed.

***

You know what? I had a huge AHA! moment. I did not gain weight during Christmas! How many people can say that. I am very proud of it. Instead of crying over all the food I didnt get to eat, I am grinning from all the weight I lost. :)

***

I have a Christmas tradition. I do a huge house cleaning on Christmas Day. I dont know why. My son usually spends the day with my mom, doing the family Christmas thing. I cant stand it, so I clean my house, and take down every single decoration.
***

Phew...finally done. Every thing smells wonderful, kind of Javexy. It is one of my favorite smells in the world. Sigh..I have run out of umph. I will do the bathroom tomorrow, because I am going to eat my second lobster. Nom nom nom.

***

Oh it was delish delish delish! I ate the body and little legs first. The claws were next, then I heated up a teaspoon of margarine and lustfully ate the tail. Heaven. Going to drink lots of water in hopes that it will flush all the salt out. Speaking of, gotta go have some water.

Christmas Eve December 24, 2012 *209.6

Merry Christmas!!!

Today is the start of a new week, and I weighed in at 209.6 lbs. It is going to be a super busy day, and very stressful. I will be doing things that I do not enjoy doing, like customer service...uhg. The other is dealing with my diet. I will have no problem sticking to it. The stressful part will be either having to explain to people that I will not be eating the same thing as them. Well you know what? It wont be hard at all. Everyone there has been very encouraging about all my life changes. Like when I quit smoking! They know I am on a diet, and I am sure that it wont be a big deal.

Got to get ready for work.

***

I was right. Holy crapolli, it was busy! I stayed true to my diet. I did not have any of the treats, or pop or anything that was offered. They had take out roast chicken, and I had some of that without skin. Tonight I came home and had a yummy lobster with out butter.

Tomorrows weigh in will be awful. I ate my lobster at 8 pm, and as we all know that is full of salt. I will be fully bloated. Ugh. Then I have been invited to mom's for Christmas breakfast. I am going to have to cal count before I go. My options wont be great. I probably wont eat lunch and have a light supper. She will probably have eggs, bacon, pancakes, juice, some sort of pastry. Going to do a cal count right now.

My weight will be higher tomorrow, but by all that is Holy, I will not break my diet.

***

Surprisingly, it wont be too bad. I can have two slices of bacon, one egg, one 4" diameter pancake (no syrup) one one toast for 330 cals. That is totally doable. So that leaves me able to eat my 2nd lobster for lunch. Yum Yum Yum. I will eat it slower. I think I inhaled the lobster tonight.

***

Eeek, going to bed now, I dont want to weigh myself tomorrow....sigh.

***

Phew...I was right! December 23, 2012 *210.

Thank goodness I was right. I weighed in at 210.0 lbs this morning. It will probably should be more, but I had to get up real early to get ready for work. I usually weigh myself more around 9 or so.

It is going to be a long hard day.

***

I am sooooon sore! I did alot of walking and a huge huge amount of heavy lifting. Unloading and reloading pallets of beer and unloading boxes of wine. All at a fast clip. If I look at the movement, its really alot of core work.

Followed my diet to the letter, and I no longer snack at night. I actually have not snacked at night since I started my diet. I have gone through the drive thru at BK several times, but I have never gotten anything for me. It was always for my son and I didnt feel deprived or anything. I WILL win! I will lose all my weight. Period!

Tomorrow at work they are having a takeout meal brought in from St Hebert. I asked for a salad and a piece of chicken. We are also having a meeting with treats, hot chocolate, coffee and tea. I am going to heat up a Carnation Breakfast drink and treat it like a hot chocolate. It has only a 150 cals, but it has 10 grams of protein. That way I dont waste calories, and hopefully it will help me keep me from stretching my diet too far.

***

I updated my scale obsession page, and I am glad I am doing that. It actually helps keep me motivated. I can see my numbers going up and down, but in the end I lost 2 lbs. It will also help me learn even more about my body.  Next month will confirm my theory about water weight gain just before and during my period. If this totally scientific study confirms my theory, I am sure it will help  keep my resolve. My 2 lbs loss also means I have reached my mini goal for December. Yippppeee!

***

I also updated my About Me page. Put a couple of pics of me on there. Scary stuff.

***

12:06 am December 16, 2012 *211.6

It is 12:06 in the morning and I just got home from my Christmas party. I got called in to work early. I ended up working 9.5 hours and I was TIRED. I wanted to back out of the party, but really, I had to go. The people I work with are super nice and there is no excuse good enough for me not to go. Me not wanting to wreck my diet is not good enough.

I actually had a good time! I usually hate parties of any sort, but this one was kind of nice. There was drinking involved, but I held my self to two, plus one shot. Food wise was kind of iffy. I did not eat any chips, or dip but I did eat like 10-15 shrimp. Then maybe 7 small meatballs. Really I was good. The iffy part I guess comes from I wish I had not eaten anything. I ate toast for breakfast, lunch and snack. My cals before the party were at 1300. I did not plan my food properly and was left just grabbing something quick. I  felt hungry all day, then guilty that I went over my cals.

Does not really matter since I came home and puked everything up. Yes I puked on purpose.

Its the first thing I did when I got home, after I let the dog out of course. Then in the bathroom I went and out it came. Phew.

I know that when I get up tomorrow, my weight will not make me happy, but its only a small bump. I dont have any other parties to go to. I am by myself for Christmas this year, so I dont have any big temptations to get through for the holidays.I will write more when I get up. Ta ta.

***

Well, its better than I thought. I weighed in at 211.6 lbs. Double and triple checked of course. I should drink more often, cause I slept for a full 8 hours! I never do that. It was wonderful. I am going to think about making an actual food menu this week. I like making large quanities of something and eating left overs. Its much easier and I am not as tempted to over eat. Weird I know. 

***

Damn Christmas party! December 15, 2012 *211.8 :(

I weighed in at 211.8 lbs this morning. I am a little obsessed that I didnt go down. But I knew this was coming. Its not like I can continue to loose a pound a day! Just have to convince my inner voice of that. Of course to make the day even more trying...I am going to my work Christmas party, and wow I do not want to go! I know I have to have cheat days, and try to live my life while I am on this journey. But feels too rickety, too new, fresh and easily broken. I am not stupid. I have been in this position before. All excited about losing weight, everything going relatively easy. I know what it feels like to hit a plateau and not be able to get through it.Then slowly loosing will power and interest in bettering myself.

I have included my son this time, and I am keeping this journal. I hope, strike that. I am very happy and committed to see this journey through, but like I said, this is just the start. To help me have a good idea of what I am getting myself into, I did a calorie count on the food that is going to be there. Its a small party, and we all wrote down what we were bringing. I am bringing a nacho dip, that is made out of sour cream, cream cheese, salsa and shredded cheese. Lets just say that just one pkg of cream cheese is over 900 cals! If I have a couple of dips it will be over 150 cals.

I was a little depressed about that.  I tried to back out of going to party, explaining that I was on a new DIET! and did not want to risk going. I told them about the cals of my dip, and they said something that made a light bulb go off. I am a very smart person. Really I am. Sometimes I get so caught up in my brain, that common sense does not enter it. You know what they said?  "So...like dont eat it! There are going to be shrimp and veggie trays, eat from those!"

Sigh, brilliant isn't it? Duh, right I dont have to eat it.

I am not going to eat everything that is offered
I am strong
I am staying true to my diet because that is more important than food
I am strong
I can picture myself a smaller me

There is going to be some drinks, and I have done a calorie count on that too. I am going to bring my own egg nog (light) and some skim milk. I wont be making a big production of it, since I am bringing a bag with my dip and chips.