Ok, so I kind of did what I said I would. I am actually proud of myself .
I got up, weighed myself (of course after I went to the bathroom). I
had to weigh myself in more than one place. The first spot, in my room, I
weighed in at 219. So I went to my usual spot, the bathroom, right in
front of the door. I have tried (in the past) every single spot in my
house to see where I weighed the least. Right in front of the counter
and in front of the bathroom door is by far the best place. I weighed in
at 216. 6 there. So I had some water, boiled some eggs while I took a
shower. I said positive things to myself. Oh right I have to write some
positive things now.
I am loosing weight
I find it easy to loose weight
I love myself
I am a happy person
I only eat when I am hungry
That last one is the one I have been repeating over and over again. I am
trying to convince my mind that I am not hungry all the time. How can I
still be hungry even after I have eaten? I usually am. I think about
food before, during and after eating. I am usually planing on what to
eat next before I am even finished eating. If I go out to eat, I will
usually eat something before hand so that I dont eat too fast while I am
out, or feel to hungry while waiting for the food. I act like a
starvation victim.
Ok so I have not exercised yet today, though I will be working hard when
I go to work.. Really that is just a lazy thought! I got caught up in
the internet allllll morning. I have to seriously think about cutting
back on that. I knew while I was doing it that I should be shutting the
computer down. What I was watching wasnt even that great, or life
changing. It was like I was focusing on that instead of dealing with
life. Hmmm was that an Epiphany? Yup, I think it was. I know I did use
it as a tool to stay out of the kitchen. I have got to use exercise to
do that though.
Another thing I read awhile back, was to visualize yourself thin. I lost
alot of weight when I was younger and I did that all the time. It
works! Every time I was hungry I would imagine I was loosing weight.
When I went to bed at night and I wanted to eat, I pictured myself all
hot and skinny. Over and over again.When I started to loose weight I
tried on smaller clothes that I had put away, and imagine myself in
smaller and smaller clothes. It was like being on a roller coaster ride
all by myself. No in my own world, where I was living and talking and
imagining a whole life in my brain. When you are in that place (the
zone), I had no problem not wanting to eat all the time. Or if I did
want to eat, I would not, because that meant I was going to loose more
weight.
I am an all or nothing kind of gal. Or out of sight out of mind. When I
am on a diet, I can weigh myself a million times a day. I can obsess
about loosing loosing loosing. When I am not dieting, I totally avoid
the scale, open the fridge like a famine victim. I refuse to look in the
mirror, let alone talk to myself in a positive manner. I usually say
things (in my head) like, fuck me! God Josee. What the hell is wrong
with you? Well you f%$#ed up, try again tomorrow. Since you already
f%$#ed up, might as well go crazy apeshit. F%$# you are fat! Holy crap
you are fat and ugly. OMG, your eyes are so small now, because of your
fat face.
I love myself
I am loosing weight
I can do this
I love myself
I am not hungry
