I am back, and I am ALIVE!

First, I want to thank every one for all those amazing emails, making sure I was ok... I m not just ok, I am doing great.

An few months ago, I had to make some hard decisions.  I cancelled everything I could (internet), and cut back on everything (food, heat, books, movies, tv) until I could get back on my feet. My son had a hard time with that, so he moved in with my mom.

In January, I got a promotion, a raise and insurance for drugs and dental. Thank God!

As of today I have internet, cable, phone, and most important my son has come back home!

I did not reach my 2013 goal of losing 100 lbs. I was ok with cutting everything down to the bare minimum, but I missed my kid. I have to be honest, by the time Christmas came around I had gained close to 15 lbs back.

In January, I kicked myself in the ass and I lost it all again. I weigh 170 lbs and I am goood!

One more big push! October 16, 2013 171.8

One more big push. That is what I am going to say to myself to get to the end of the year. I have a little over two months left and I want to lose another 20 lbs before Christmas. It is doable, especially if I stay true to my diet, and add in some more exercise. I am going to kick it into high gear and give it one more big push.

85 lbs down, 20 to go! Now is the time.

Phew, Thank Goodness that is over! October 15, 2013 171.8

I made it out alive! Geez...time of the month and a Holiday! Thats just not right.

No worries though, I am back to my diet. Sadly, I am farther from reaching my goal then ever. Grrrr.

I started walking with my mom, which is pretty cool. I finally got her on a diet, and she is going out for long walks. Surprisingly she is truly dedicated to walking everyday. Which helps me, because I am not.

The weather has been beautiful, and the walks in the woods have been fabulous. There is nothing like a New Brunswick fall.

Can I do it?

So I am 175 lbs as of today. I have 115 days left til the end of 2013. Can I realistically reach my New Years Resolution Goal weight?

 I started off at 222 lbs and I wanted to lose 100 lbs.

222 lbs-100 lbs=122 lbs

I am now 175 lbs.

175 lbs-122 lbs = 53 lbs.

That means I have to lose 53 lbs in 115 days.

53lbs/115 days=.46 lbs

Which means I have to lose .46 lbs a day!

Or

115 days/7 days in a week=16 weeks
53lbs/16weeks=3.31lbs

I would need to lose 3.31 lbs a week to make my goal.

I think 140 lbs is more realistic. I have been 140 lbs and I felt and looked good.

175lbs-140lbs=35lbs
115 days/35lbs=.3lbs per day
35lbs/16 weeks=2.18lbs per week

That is doable.

Now, I totally realize that life happens and my body probably will not cooperate and stick to my math genius! If I dont fall off the wagon and wonder aimlessly, and my body does not hit any plateaus, and I stay super strict and maintain total dedication for over 115 days...

Ya, not going to happen. So how about I continue doing the best that I can! Stay strong and motivated and be at peace with myself. Celebrate all the good things and live through the bad.

? 180.4 lbs

Four more months to reach me final goal. I said I wanted to lose 100 lbs by the end of 2013, I need to lose another 60 lbs in four months. Is 100 unrealistic? Not before, but now yes. I fell down a few times, so to make up and lose 60 lbs is not going to be healthy. Even if I stay strict for the next four months, and only lose 10 lbs a month, that will bring me to 140 lbs. I have been that weight before and I look gooood. I will have to wait and see what weight my body wants to stay at. This is going to be long term weight loss. I have to be able to maintain whatever I end up at. That is not to say, that when I reach 140, that I cant strive for 120  lbs. It will just be a slower journey. Like 1 lbs a month or something.

I looked up my body type, factoring my height and bone structure. I should really be 150 at the max, and 118 if I had a small frame. Time will tell.

180lbs-120lbs=60 lbs

I am so proud of myself March 7, 2013 *189.2

Well well well. I am 189.2 lbs as of today! I am so proud of myself. I went through some of my first posts and I can see alot of differences between then and now. I am more sure of myself, and my diet. My inner bitch voice is not as nasty, and I am starting to see the pretty me in the mirror. It has been a long time since I have seen her.

I try to think positive/motivational thoughts every day. I used to have to write them down and reread them through out the day. Now I just review them inside my head. For example:

I can do this
I am going to reach my goal
I am Happy
I do not eat when I am bored/mad/happy/to fit in
I do not eat when I am sad/scared/anxious/tired
I will not stop til I reach my goal
I will not stop even if it takes longer to reach my goal than I thought
I will not let my scale decide my mood
I will use my scale as a tool
I will not fall of the wagon
If I do, I will jump back on the second it happens...not on Monday or tomorrow.

I started this blog at 221 lb and I am now 189. Wow...a loss of 32 lbs and a total loss of 66 lbs from my highest weight. I weigh less today than I have in over 10 years (maybe 15).

Congrats to me!

Good advice February 26, 2013 *192.5

When I first started this blog, I had said I wanted to lose 100 lbs before the new year. That is not going to happen, and I am ok with that. Obviously it is too early in the game to predict much weight I am going to lose, but my body is telling me that it 100 lbs is out.

My original plan was to lose 10 lbs a month, and to reach 120 by the end of December 2013. I am averaging a pound a week, so about 5 lbs a month. Which means 120 lbs wont happen this year. Am I ok with that? Yup. I have never lost weight quick, but I sure know how to gain it quick!

I have lost and gained so much weight in my life, that I have become an expert in losing weight. I have kind of switched my focus in the last month.  I am still on my weight lose journey, but I am also working on not regaining it.

I have an addictive obsessive personality. What that means...I am a nut job! Ha kidding (kind of). Every time I lost weight in the past, I would obsess about the amount of weight I could lose in a week. I would get a number in my head, and I would do anything (I mean anything), to get that to happen. Starving and barfing and exercise. If all that didn't work, I would lose courage and start eating, and yup you guessed it...regain everything.

I got wonderful advice early on in my journey, and it really changed how I look at my weight loss journey. 

The number on the scale, really is just a number
Plateaus are a chance to practice maintanence
Trust my body
Restart your diet the minute you fall off, not tomorrow or after the weekend
No one is perfect
Do not obsess
Use your scale as a tool
Stop doing crazy shit to lose weight
Keep trying
Plan everything, meals, contingency plans, diet and exercise

All of these have reduced my stress a hundred fold. Seriously!

Birth of my Goal January 22, 2013 *200.00

 A few months ago, I decided I needed to get back on the diet track. I wanted to be accountable to more than just myself. So I decided to rejoin WW. I walked out after they wanted me to pay 60 bucks to rejoin, not including the 18 dollars per week! Forget that. I went home and started thinking about what I really wanted.

I wanted a New Years Resolution that would change my life
I wanted to lose weight
I wanted to write a food diary to monitor what I ate
I wanted to weigh myself daily so I could learn more about my body
I wanted to write a daily diary
I wanted to read about other people going through the same things as I was
I wanted to organize my life
I wanted to read articles that make me think
I wanted to be held accountable
I wanted to not be alone in my struggles

I started to do some research. How do I go about tying all of these ideas together? Hmmm. I keyed in online diary and my blog was born!  Now my NYR. I wrote down a list of all the things I wanted to fix/change/didn't like about myself.

I was fat
I was out of shape
I smoked
I ate too much
I never went out
I had no energy
I never had anything nice to say about myself
I am single
I am isolated (within myself)
I am not happy
I am sad that my son is embarrassed to be seen with me

What single thing could I change about myself that would make the most difference? Lose weight! Nearly everything led back to being overweight. Ok so I found out my root problem. I know I am a genius. What was next?

A goal. I decided to think big (pun intended). I want to lose 100 lbs by end of 2013. Wow! Lofty goal. What did I have to do to get there? Well pretty much everything.

I quit smoking
I stopped eating every single minute
I started counting all my calories My Fitness Pal (I am madijo41 if you want to friend)
I started to research what I should eat
I wrote and read positive thoughts (my blog)
I started to plan my meals Fit to the Finish
I thought of ways to add more and more veggies in my day
I started to cut back on my pills (anti depressants and social anxiety)
I drank lots and lots of water
I cut out pop (at son's request)
I cut out sugar/salt (again at son's request)
I found a blog on clean eating 100 days of real food
I started to exercise Girl Heroes
I found recipes to make that were good for me (too many to list)
I started to walk or exercise every day (NYR)
I started to weigh myself every day (Scale Obsession Page)

 I am now 21 lbs down, with a total of 50+ lost (since 2011).  Only 80 more to go.

My Goal Statement January 1, 2013

I have a goal for the year 2013. It is to reach my goal weight of 120 lbs by December 31, 2013!

On...off...move...on...off...move December 11, 2012 *215

I was hungry last night! But I stayed firm and did not snack. I weighed myself this morning and I was 215 lbs on the dot. No matter where I went that is what it read. I was a bit upset but really my weight was all over the place yesterday, it was definite today.

I looked up how to weigh yourself properly and I actually found something!
-Make sure your floor is level..mine isnt so I am going to find a place that is level and mark it!
-make sure you weigh yourself same time, same clothes...blah blah everyone knows that
-make sure you use same scale and same place too
-weigh your self more than once in a week (3)and do an average of the 3 to find out what you lost...yeah...nope


So I researched best weight scale to own and it is the Taylor Electronic, but really anything digital should be good. You can test your own by putting a weight on it. Which I will do asap!

I spent most of the evening looking at other peoples blogs and wow there are alot out there. I then learned to narrow the search by clicking on key words that are on my profile page. Like weight loss. Everyone else who had that listed in their interest section showed up. So I trolled happily all evening.

I also figured out what my BMI is 35.2, and I am considered Obese class II. I should weigh 114 lbs to 155 lbs. and I found it here http://www.calculator.net/bmi-calculator.html

I think I may make this blog about losing 100 lbs in one year. I averaged it out and its 8 lbs per month, two lbs per week. Hmmmm. Am I up for this challenge? I have to add something else. Something that deals with exercise. Hmmmm, total amount of steps per week, miles per week, something. I will have to research that a bit and see what would be logical.

***Ok lots of different answers for that one. Basically though it is 150 minutes a week, which breaks down to 30 minutes a day. Strength training is a lot less. Minimum is twice a week, does not specify amount of time, just that you should do it.

So officially in black and white, drum roll please!!

I am going to lose 100 lbs in one year

I am going to exercise every day for half an hour

It is official because I told my son! Well I told him and he said is this time for real? Yes it is. He thinks 100 is too much. Really he is right, so I may have to rethink the total. My young Yoda, said it is better to weigh more and be hard then thin and out of shape. Sigh, I sure do love him. I am going to ask him to take pics of me every month. Side, front and back and one face shot. I think seeing the results will help me. Oh ya I have to measure myself again. I did a year ago, but since I am restarting I better do it right.

I guess I am kind of cheating, since the end goal has to be reached by end of December 2013, and I am starting now.


Well F*&@ that, I am ready now. I am motivated now. Now is when I am starting!


Weird thought..
100 lbs in one year...365 days in one year
100 divided by 365 = .27 lbs a day
or
12 months in a year
100 divided by 12= 8.33 lbs
Hmmm since I weigh myself everyday, lets go for .27 lbs a day for awhile and see how that goes.