Crappy news September 22, 2013 171.0

Get ready for some whining, moaning and groaning....

I am just a casual employee where I work, and I have been holding out for the dangling carrot (permanent part time) for over a year now. I was told lots of opportunities were coming up. Yah...now it does not look like much will happen before January. I also found out the competition is pretty fierce.

Needless to say, it looks like I am going to be looking elsewhere.

I worked two (2!) days this week!! Thank Goodness I worked 6 days last week. My paycheck, (if I am lucky) will be around five hundred dollars for two weeks. Which I have to pay my mortgage ($200), internet/phone ($200), heating oil ($100), electricity($45), cc bills ($120), gas/car ($50), R. lunch money ($25)... hmmm oh and groceries. What you dont have enough money? What? I will have this exact problem next week!

Gawd! I am going back to bed with my whiny self.

Drugs, I need 'em! September 19, 2013 172.8

My money crunch is started to wear at me. I dont mind not having any money, or being poor as a church mouse. But even I can feel the pinch of it.

I take pills for my depression and social anxiety and I started to take half my dose every night. Now I take half a dose every second day. I can feel the difference. I am coasting, hanging on the edge...

Happy Pills

My doctor is aware of what I am doing, unfortunately there is not much she can do. I indirectly told my mom the other day, and she offered to buy me a couple months supply for my birthday. I am not going to take her up on it, because she already does so much for me.

On the other hand, I am starting to see that my anxiety was/is strongly tied to my weight. As I lose more weight,  I am leaving the house more and more. I say that, but yesterday I could not make myself go for a walk during the daylight hours. Sometimes I feel like such a crazy person.

Milo from a couple of months ago

I got all dressed, sneakers, coat and I was on my front porch and saw all the people walking their dogs. It was a huge crowd....at least 2 people! Milo and I usually walk at night for a couple of reasons. One...He is hard to handle if he decides he wants to see another dog (200 lbs). Hardly anyone walks at night in my neighborhood.  Two... I dont want people to see me. So when I saw those dogs, I knew there was no way I was going to take Milo, and with out Milo there was no way I was going for a walk.

I went back inside, and waited for dark. Then I went for a walk. Sad.

Money.... April 1, 2013 *187.0 lbs

Well, I had a tough week diet wise. I didn't loose weight, I actually gained a pound. I am not worried, because I have not had a BM for a few days. I have been nibbling a bit too much, and feeling a little too hungry. Last but not least, I have not exercised one bit.

***

I got laid off from my great paying job last June, and that set me back in sooo many ways. I started eating (gaining weight), smoking (again) and got depressed (obviously). I got another job right away (lot less pay), I went on EI to help with my money (still not enough), and cut back on everything (eating out, movies, books, clothes, food).

Since then... I quit smoking (yeah me), I went on a diet (yeah me) and worked through my depression (still ongoing). My EI is done, and I still do not have enough money. So now I have to cut even more out. Not sure what else I can cut out, but cut I will. All my bills can be trimmed. I can use my clothes line (summer), cut my heat (already doing that, but can go farther), electric cost (nope already down to nothing). Gas (park the car for the summer).

 I have decided to start walking to work. It is not very far from my house, so I am working on how to do that. It includes bringing a change of clothes/food/shoes/socks...I think I am going to leave a bag of essentials/socks/clothes/shoes at work in my locker. We have a great kitchen with a freezer, so I might bring a bunch of food to work. That way I dont have to carry my house to work everyday.

I am not upset about cutting back. It has to be done, and it will all help me with Fixing Me, and losing weight. It will be a challenge, the worst will be how to take care of my son. I am his taxi service, so he will have to walk/bike/long board to his girlfriends house. I think that will be great for him. Its to get him to places that are far away that will be a killer. Oh well, cant freak myself out yet.