Disappeared for a bit

Well I disappeared for a bit, Depression sucks! I feel better, inside and out...so here I am.

I dont know where to start, other than, I gained 20lbs back. Damn it!

Good news though. I have been trying to get back on track for over a month, and I am finally in the groove. You know the one I am talking about. Where you see stuff you want to eat, but you dont. Where people offer you stuff to eat, and you dont. Where you go somewhere and they have heaven on a plate...thats right! You dont eat it.

Groovy!

I am not exercising yet, but I will soon.

I went up to 194 after Christmas, and gave myself a huge kick in the ass. After much struggling, I weighed in at 189 this morning.

Nice to be back.

Why?!

Why do I do this?

I exercise and watch what I eat...then bam! Evening happens.

I have to think of a strategy that will help me with my evening loss of control. If I dont, I will never lose the last 20n lbs.

Ugh!

Well things are not going great diet wise. Ugh!

Its one faltering step after another. I know I will get it in the end, its getting there that is soo hard.

Ugh...

So I started a Biggest Loser competition at work. I am very competitive person, so I plan to use that as a motivational tool. My hope is that this will help more than just me.

It should be interesting to say the least.

Moving forward September 23, 2013 171.2

Random pic off internet   :)

I cant promise I wont whine a bit in the future, but I have to look forward. I find the more I focus on a problem (money) the worse/bigger it gets.

I have a family who loves me, I live in an awesome city and fall is here. I have been walking more and more, unfortunately it is at night. I think my goal this month (October) will be to go for walks during the day so I can see the trees turning color.

My other goal for October, will obviously be to lose another 10 lbs. Whatever I lose is better than nothing, but I am going to try for 10 lbs before Halloween. It will  be kind of a cheat, since I reached my 170 a little early. So I actually have 5 weeks to lose 10 lbs.

I should be able to do it, since I am going to be adding more walks to my days. I have not been working much these last couple of weeks, so my exercise has been practically nil. I am going to be working nearly 14 days straight so that will also help. Hehehehe.

Crappy news September 22, 2013 171.0

Get ready for some whining, moaning and groaning....

I am just a casual employee where I work, and I have been holding out for the dangling carrot (permanent part time) for over a year now. I was told lots of opportunities were coming up. Yah...now it does not look like much will happen before January. I also found out the competition is pretty fierce.

Needless to say, it looks like I am going to be looking elsewhere.

I worked two (2!) days this week!! Thank Goodness I worked 6 days last week. My paycheck, (if I am lucky) will be around five hundred dollars for two weeks. Which I have to pay my mortgage ($200), internet/phone ($200), heating oil ($100), electricity($45), cc bills ($120), gas/car ($50), R. lunch money ($25)... hmmm oh and groceries. What you dont have enough money? What? I will have this exact problem next week!

Gawd! I am going back to bed with my whiny self.

...Sigh... Sunday 18, 2013 180.4 or 184.4

Guess what happens when you weigh yourself more than once...you get more than one weight! So I maybe 180.4 or 184.4.

My scale must be busted! August 17, 2013 185.0

Mother F'er! My scale is driving me CRAZY! ACK! It has gone around the bend. Grrr! *Stomp Stomp* Waaa Waaa... Why wont it show me what I waaaant!

Fell, then decided to roll around in the muck! Mother F'r! June 26, 2013 *186.5 lbs

WTF!

Yup, thats right. I gained some weight back.

Here are a list of excuses

*I got too cocky
*I stopped planning
*Diet food cost too much
*I changed my diet around...WTH was I thinking?
*I started nibbing
*I got bitch slapped with life
*I started eating my danger foods...WTH was I thinking?
*I moved in with my mom during my bathroom remodel
*I ate too much, too often
*I stopped weighing myself everyday

Sigh...

...Only reason I am writing this, is because I am back on track. Starting from the beginning again. So positive thoughts again.

I am not hungry...all the time!
I do not eat when I am bored
I do not eat after supper
I do not nibble
I do not over eat

I fell...and I did not get up... June 7, 2013 180.8 lbs

What the hell!

Life hit me upside the head and I faltered. Sheesh. I am not going to say that everything is ok, because its not. I am going to say that I am making every effort to get back to where I was diet wise.

My money sitch got so bad last month, that I was not able to buy groceries. That normally would not be a problem, but I have a teenage boy that didnt like that idea. It meant I had to eat all the food in my cupboards. Holy crap on toast! Rice, cereal, pasta, canned food. All my danger foods, all day everyday. It started out ok, then...not so much. They are my danger foods for a reason. I over eat them.

I dont have any more money than last month, but I decided to bite the bullet and ask for help from my mom. I hate doing that, especially at my age. My son (almost 16), has an interview this week, so that will help alot.

With all this time off, I have been working in my yard ALL DAY LONG! I have new flower beds, and made my other beds bigger. When I am done I will post some pics. I love my yard. Even though I over ate, I did not gain weight, which is totally shocking, but really appreciated. I imagine it was all the yard work, and on the days that I do get called into work, I work like a crazy demon.

Get ready for some whining! April 14, 2013 *186.8 lbs

Get ready for it

*My weight is not moving, but that is no surprise since I have been lazy at counting calories.
*I am snacking like...duh...I am not seriously following a diet plan.
*My period is 10 days late, no worries I am not preggers! If I was, it would mean the second coming of Christ!
*I think I am pre menopausal.
*I am bloated, See above.
*I feel out of control, duh! I am not planning anything.
*I binged...and...I...did something bad...
*I am tired ALL the time, I know it is my pills, but if I don't take them I get depressed.
*I am not exercising, because I am being incredibly lazy.
*I am fighting with my son...