Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Flower in Concret

'Nature Will Find A Way'

This is how I feel today, which is a huge improvement. Something small and fragile, breaking and splitting through concrete.

I have stayed true to my diet, almost clinging to the challenge of keeping on my path. It has become my light at the end of the tunnel.

I have not lost any weight the last little while. I am 'maintaining', and it is calming my anxiety about regaining my weight after I have completed my weight loss journey.

I realize I have put too much pressure on myself to lose 100 lbs by the end of 2013. I have never lost weight easily. Weight has never fallen off like magic. I stay true to my diet, never cheat, do exercises, but I usually only lose 1-3 lbs a month. For me to reach my goal, I would have to lose an average of 2.5 lbs a week.

To remove some of my stress, I have given up on the goal of reaching 120 lbs by the end of 2013. I am going to lose weight in a slow (sigh) steady manner (sigh). I will reach my goal, when ever I reach it. I am already 60 lbs down from my highest weight, and  still have 76 lbs to lose. I think I may also rethink my goal of 120 lbs. Is it realistic for my height and age? I know I can reach it, but is it something I can comfortably reach and importantly, maintain.

Does this mean I am giving up? Does this mean I am lowering my standards because I am passing through a dark time? I don't think so. I feel good about this decision. My will power feels rejuvenated.

Life has never been easy for me, but at least I am here. I have a beautiful son, though he is driving me crazy (pun not intended), at the moment. I have a family who cares for me, though they think I should be able to fix that part of me that causes these feelings. I am not a car that can be fixed.

There is something not right in my head, but I go through it, fight it, fight back and come through the other side. The next time is never easier, but I get better at getting there.

*I found this picture on this site here


  1. hi Josee, I'm glad you are back :), it's so nice to read you have maitained your diet and your path even when your mood was bad...
    Take care

    1. Thank you for always being so encouraging. I have received so many emails, and wonderful notes that I am floored by how kind everyone has been. It has been very helpful, and much appreciated.


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