Thursday, 14 February 2013

I am a Tattood gal February 14, 2013 *195.5

I got my first tattoo when I was in my mid-20s. That one has since been covered up, with another one that actually means something to me.

Peony
Fast forward to 20 years later (where has the time gone) I am covered in tattoos, each one created by me. Its starts on my chest, goes over my shoulder, down my left side of my back. I have a huge tramp stamp dragon, then down my left leg around my ankle to my left toe. Each image (tattoo) represents something important to me, and one runs into the other. I have a continuing tattoo on my right arm that is dedicated to my son. I add to it as he gets older. I have done the same thing to my left arm, except it is about me.

My second tattoo was something that came about, in a round about way. I was a cutter when I was younger. There is a place on my arm that has about 4 scars, that I had grown to be embarrassed of. They represented my depression, stupid decisions, and things that I wish I had never done.
Dragon

When you are depressed (for me anyways), you have this tiny voice, that never lets you rest. It says bad stuff to me, about me. You are fat, you are ugly, you are worthless. It also keeps going over events in your life that were not great.  I had already started treatment for depression, and knew that the tiny voice (my subconscious) was no friend to me. I had to learn to forgive myself. So I did (took years).

My second tattoo says forgive and forget. I needed to forgive myself and try to forget it. That started a lifelong obsession of expressing myself through my body. I generally dont like people, talking and getting close to them makes me sick (anxiety). I have so many feelings and tattoos were a way for me to let them all out.

Puppy Prints
Sometimes though, my tattoos and piercing were actually another way of cutting myself. I could cause pain to myself, that was not as obvious and every one would think I was ok. When I cut myself, it was to express pain, to overcome it, become the master of it. When the pain was done, there was this incredible release, a wonderful feeling. I would do it again and again. When I started tattoos and piercing the same thing happened.



People often ask me if tattoos hurt. Uh...yup. That is why I do it. For the time that it takes for the artist to finish, is the amount of time my tiny voice (bitchy me), shuts up. When it is all over, and the artist rubs Vaseline on it, I am flying high.


2 comments:

  1. Learning to forgive ourselves is so important but so very hard. Your tattoos are definitely works of art!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Forgiving myself is an ongoing project...as are my tattoos. :)

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