Thursday, 19 September 2013

Drugs, I need 'em! September 19, 2013 172.8

My money crunch is started to wear at me. I dont mind not having any money, or being poor as a church mouse. But even I can feel the pinch of it.

I take pills for my depression and social anxiety and I started to take half my dose every night. Now I take half a dose every second day. I can feel the difference. I am coasting, hanging on the edge...

Happy Pills
My doctor is aware of what I am doing, unfortunately there is not much she can do. I indirectly told my mom the other day, and she offered to buy me a couple months supply for my birthday. I am not going to take her up on it, because she already does so much for me.

On the other hand, I am starting to see that my anxiety was/is strongly tied to my weight. As I lose more weight,  I am leaving the house more and more. I say that, but yesterday I could not make myself go for a walk during the daylight hours. Sometimes I feel like such a crazy person.

Milo from a couple of months ago
I got all dressed, sneakers, coat and I was on my front porch and saw all the people walking their dogs. It was a huge least 2 people! Milo and I usually walk at night for a couple of reasons. One...He is hard to handle if he decides he wants to see another dog (200 lbs). Hardly anyone walks at night in my neighborhood.  Two... I dont want people to see me. So when I saw those dogs, I knew there was no way I was going to take Milo, and with out Milo there was no way I was going for a walk.

I went back inside, and waited for dark. Then I went for a walk. Sad.

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