Friday, 13 September 2013

Family September 13, 2013 173.0

A few days ago I was sent a friend request from my Aunt S. I have been searching for my Dad and his side of the family for a good many years.

I don't have a common last name (or so I thought). There were a huge amount of people with my last name on fb. Every now and then I would search through the names and friends list to see if I could find anyone.

Then it happened. A friend request. I searched through her friends list, and there was Dad, my younger brother and Aunt M!

I accepted immediately, and sent a message thanking her.

My mom and dad split when I was a baby, and from what I understand he was not the greatest dad. We kept in touch, but when I was 16 I wrote a letter that really let loose some anger. I don't regret it, but it was meant to start a conversation. I wanted a give and take I guess. I got nothing. He never wrote back, and no one from that side made any effort to contact me.

That is until a few years later when the same Aunt S. contacted me to say my Aunt M (another Aunt M), had died and I was to blame. Holy crap! I wont go into all of that. Needless to say I cut my ties to them.

Fast forward to now. I have grown up, I am no longer the sad and scared lonely 10 year old, the angry 16 year old, the depressed 18 year old. I have a son. I am a great mom. I believe in God and the grace of forgiveness.

I don't care if they have forgiven me, or are still angry about something that happened so long ago. I want my son to see my other side. The side that has a dad. Yes he will never be the dad I should have had, but I want dad to see me. The real me.

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