Thursday, 17 January 2013
Ripple Effect of Depression January 17, 2013 *200.6!!
My losing weight has a ripple effect. I am eating better, therefor I make better food... so my son is eating better. I don't do take out anymore, and since I am the one that pays and drives he hardly gets anymore either. I walk nearly everyday, so my dog Milo is finally getting the exercise he deserves.
I have suffered from depression and social anxiety since I was very young. I was only diagnosed and treated for it after 30+! All the signs were there, but I did not have a family that was willing/trained/interested/observant enough to help. I can look back at my life and see where I first showed the signs and I know it started when I was 5. I had my first cutting episode when I was 11 or 12, and my first breakdown when I was 18. Notice I said first, I have had more, but it was my last one at 30+ that finally got me treatment. I got treated and then my son (5) soon started showing signs too. That very day I started going through the process of getting him help. I did NOT want him to have my wasted life!!! It was a long exhausting road for both of us.
Though I say I went that very day to get help, it took me a bit to recognize the signs. I thought at first he was acting out, because he did not want to go to school. It progressed daily til he tried to jump out of the car. By then all my doors in the house were off their hinges (kept on locking himself in). He started complaining of stomach aches, and not feeling good. Right! On it went for a few weeks. Then one day it all clicked when I found his lunch bag full again for the umpteenth time. He was not eating at school.
Fast forward 6 months, we had daily visits to either mind/body docs, school principle, councilor, hospital for blood tests. My son had lost close to 20 lbs on a 60 lbs frame. He was literally skin and bones. I was his life line, as all mothers are. I had to find a solution! I thought and researched and I found it. Thank You God.
He ended up going on medication for a brief period of time, but is now controlling and dealing with his life in a way that I wish I could have been given the opportunity to. Maybe I had to go through hell so that I could be the mother he needed? Who knows. I have to live the life I have. I am not often happy in it, but I have faked happiness all my life. Maybe this is the year that I will be able to fake it til I make it.