Stumbling onto my AHA! Moment. January 25, 2013 *198.8

I did a couple of new to me recipes yesterday. They worked out surprisingly well, considering I was making breadsticks out of a veggie!  I was all gung ho for trying out all the other ideas on cauliflower noodles, pizza, uh...nope. Going to stay away from that. I am not allergic to flour, I am just choosing to stay away from it. I have a life long love affair with cheese, that would not be helped by making all these gluten free recipes.

My calorie intake from all the cheese yesterday was shocking. Add the fat and the salt that is in the cheese I am surprised I stayed in my daily calorie allotment.

It was because of yesterday, that I stumbled on one of my stumbling blocks. I like routine. I like doing the same thing every day. If I am forced out of doing the exact same thing, I get anxious, or feel out of control. For example... I  eat the same breakfast every day. If I dont, I feel like I am missing something, or that my world is out of alignment. When all is not right with the world, what do I do? Thats right! I eat!

What?  Can it be that simple? I feel brilliant. It has taken the better part of my adult life to get here. I finally had my AHA! Moment.

What is funny though, is if I am not on a diet, I eat anything and everything with out feeling anxious! It is when I am on a diet, that I plan, plan, plan. If I step out of this plan, I feel like I walked outside naked. Seriously. So I eat to cover myself back up.

Yes yes, I knew I was an emotional eater, but it was just a word with no real context to me. I did not feel it. I feel it now. I know I eat if I am stressed out or sad or scared. But I did not know I ate to cover up being taken out of my comfort zone.Yesterday, I did not eat at my regular time, my regular food for breakfast or do my regular early morning house cleaning. I had a low to medium urge to eat all day. To snack, to nibble, to check what was in my fridge. Since I have been on my diet/new way of life/fixing me plan, I have not felt that urge.

I now realize why. I have been planning everything out. I have been writing things down (my blog), I have been sticking to the plans with out any deviations. I just trudge along, happy in my simple little life. It is when I take myself out of this that I fall flat, or fail. Hmmm, I am so smart!

Why not play to my strengths then? I like planning, sticking to the same routines. So that is what I am going to do. I realize I have been doing this all along in this new diet regime. That is why I feel so empowered, and that I feel like this time I am going to make it.